Can Anyone Recommend a Good Brick Wall?

Last night, I was forced to manage my first real "baby crisis", and because my partner is out of town until this afternoon, I had to make the decisions alone...is now the time to point out that I have a knack for being EXTREMELY indecisive when the time is right?

Well, was the time ever right last night!!! You see, our son was apparently bored, what with all of the play time, cooing, peek-a-boo, swinging, singing, toys, peeing, walking around the room in someone's arms, feeding, napping, pooping, and drooling (did I mention drooling?? Perhaps I should have said DROOLING!)...and apparently our son likes to switch things up, keeping things "real" so that Papa (that's me) doesn't forget the pressure he is under with this new promotion to parenthood...

The pressure last night came in the form of a new tooth suddenly (and quite rudely, I might add) forcing its way out of our son's gums. Ok, so last week, my Mom did say "Oh look, I think he is about ready to show us his first tooth". A more experienced dad may have been able to see that seemingly simple observation for what it really was, but apparently my daddy-decoder ring is still in the mail. Hopefully I have already established the fact that in no way do I meet the criteria for "experienced" parent. duh.

Missing the message "prepare yourself for the onslaught of the teething process", I naively and joyfully took great pride in my son's first soon-to-be-tooth-showing. More importantly, I did NOT do somethings: I did NOT make sure I had any sort of teether (or home teether remedy). I did NOT make sure I had any Baby Ambesol or the like on hand. I did NOT read up on the teething process. Nope. Not an ounce of preparation...Bring it on!

Darn you, Mom, and your silly hidden messages...I blame you!!! (my Mom, by the way , is the best...and I really don't have much to blame her for in my own upbringing, so this is a prime opportunity for me to feel "normal"...thanks, Mom!).

At around 8:45 p.m. last night, the tooth in question sent a message to my son...the message, gathered from secret intelligence, was something to the effect of "I'm here-eeer. Let the screaming commence!"

Me: "What's wrong, baby?!"
Baby: wail of the banshees, un-typeable using any known human language
Mom: "Just go get a teether from the fridge"
Me: blank stare
Mom: "Do you have any baby ambesol? I think this is a doo-sie; look, you can see the tooth, and right beside it are two more that will be here before we know it"
Me: looking for a brick wall against which to bang my head repeatedly

After a 9:00 run to Target, I returned home with at least 4 different types of baby teething ambesol/orajel and two different teethers. Who do these baby-product companies think they are, anyway? Don't they know that new parents such as myself often don't have a CLUE? So yes, I did it. I picked one of each from the shelf and headed straight for the checkout. Sue me.

I raced into the house, biting off the tip of the first tube I could grab while wondering "if I licked the teether myself first, would count for sterilization?". As I bounded up the stairs almost yelling, "I'm here, I'm here, Papa's here", I noticed something was wrong. It's quiet. Too quiet.

Mom, seeming to take great pleasure in the panic on my face, uttered the words. Those words.
"It's ok. He's asleep. I gave him a cold, wet washcloth to chew on, and he fell right to sleep."

It's almost 10:00 am the next day, and I am still looking for that brick wall. This one has clearly been used by a new parent...



His2Daddies